Saturday, April 8, 2017

The Soldier

    I love cold war thrillers like The Soldier. Though to be frank, the movie isn't great, but I love Ken Wahl. He looks like the 80's action movie equivalent of Brandon Routh- but with a unibrow to boot. He doesn't really seem like a super killer for the CIA, but hey who cares? Steve James is also here, and the two of them kick plenty of ass. In slow motion. Because it's cool. Can you tell this movie is already deep, deep in my good graces?

   The movie's plot is... there. It's about a bomb or something? Or some plutonium falling into the wrong hands? Nevermind that though, The Soldier is full of delightfully crazy moments like a ski slope chase where Ken manages a perfect spinning jump- and while in midair, he whips out a submachine gun and shoots his pursuer- center fucking mass. Cue massive blood squibs. It's glorious. Also, the bad guy uses a concealed sawed off shotgun up his sleeve at one point. Also great. And Steve James gets in a bar fight where he tells the last guy "You got two choices, asshole: duck or bleed." and of course, it's a line worthy of applause. I fucking loved it. This movie is so much fun.

   There's a requisite love scene, a crazily over-the-top interrogation scene, so many blood squibs, some wonderfully stale acting, the finest espionage the 80's had to offer, and some really creative action scenes. The Soldier might not be "good" per se, but damn if it isn't ridiculously entertaining. As soon as the movie was over, I knew I wanted fifty more movies just like it. All starring Ken Wahl and his unibrow. Oh and Klaus Kinski was in here for like, 30 seconds. What? Overall, a highly recommended for genre fans.

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