Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Karate Cop

   In Karate Cop, the unfortunately tame-faced star, Ron Marchini, wears a hat that says "SPECIAL POLICE"- and in this post apocalyptic world, that's not exactly threatening. It brings to mind the Special Olympics, or perhaps Special Needs. There's no real police force left in the world, so who is Officer John Travis wearing this hat for? Himself? Despite all this, nobody is laughing once he lays the smack down with his feet, his fists, or a goddamn staff. There's more whoop-ass in Marchini's little finger than the average man has in his whole body. (I might be exaggerating slightly. Only slightly, though.) I love it.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

American Eagle

   I'm always so tempted to rate movies like this so much higher because I enjoy them so much, but none of them are particularly good. Steele Justice, The Soldier, Trained to Kill, etc etc. American Eagle is worthy of its place right alongside them.


   Sizzling like a grimy, lurid, 10¢ paperback come to life- Jakarta is the cinematic equivalent of airport literature- soaked to the bone in noir-like atmosphere, sex appeal, and violence. The lead actor, Christopher Noth, looks serviceable as a clean cut 'government agent' and as a heartbroken vagabond on the run from his former superiors. The femme fatale is drop dead gorgeous and the actress in the role turns in a surprisingly good performance. What's not to love?


  You'd be forgiven for thinking that legendary ass-kicker Fred Williamson plays the main badass dude. He gives all the rousing "this is our land" speeches, and kicks all the requisite amount of ass- but the main dude is actually a family man played by the ever-reliable Robert Forster, who spends most of the movie completely opposed to the entire concept of vigilantism...


The Soldier

    I love cold war thrillers like The Soldier. Though to be frank, the movie isn't great, but I love Ken Wahl. He looks like the 80's action movie equivalent of Brandon Routh- but with a unibrow to boot. He doesn't really seem like a super killer for the CIA, but hey who cares? Steve James is also here, and the two of them kick plenty of ass. In slow motion. Because it's cool. Can you tell this movie is already deep, deep in my good graces?

The Lawless Land

   There's no giant birds or Road Warrior vibes in this flick. The Lawless Land plays more like a star-crossed lovers tale set in a post WWIII land. I think an actual apocalypse is required for something to be considered post-apocalyptic, so I guess it's not a post-apoc flick- but it is set in a mildly dystopian future and features the requisite amount of motorcycle riding, gun shooting, nudity, and neon lit bar/brothel dens to keep a genre nut like me entertained throughout.

Welcome to the Suck!

   My name is Joseph, I collect VHS tapes of all genres. However, I do have an undying love for trashy action cinema of the 80's and 90's- the glorious pantheon of excessively violent movies where action Gods like Schwarzenegger and Stallone reign supreme. This blog will be dedicated to my collecting habits, as well as featuring reviews of movies I watch on VHS. I hope you enjoy this infrequently updated little mess of a blog. Thanks for reading- and remember:

Be kind, rewind.
Or else.

~ Joseph 'Nite Owl' Sheldahl